You will know when you need God ... it is when you can't do it!
If I were not a King's kid, I would be in big trouble. However, I am reluctantly realizing these are great places to be in this journey with God. If I could accomplish what God is going to accomplish, I would not need Him and He would not get the glory or people drawn to Him. I have been reminded that I am in the middle of a God sized task and I can't do any of it. Desperation has begun to surface. This is when I see my need for Him the most. I am beginning to be desperate in some areas I need answers. I see that when others in the history of God's people were desperate, they would do anything to see God work. I am getting there! I am overwhelmed. I have way too much to do and to little time to do it. I also am feeling overwhelmed from the task that God has asked me to join Him in. However, I recently listened to a "Focus on the Family" show where David Platt said he was in over his head. Platt said this is the best place to be because when something great happens, there is no way for him to get the credit. Guess I just found my assurance on that one. Inadequate definitely describes the sum of what I am feeling. Today I wanted to dodge a Launch training meeting because I had become so confused on the subject of "vision". It happen to be the discussion point for today and the book I read went right over my head. Many things I had relied on have been removed or shown as shallow. Weak is where I am left tonight.
Now I know this sounds like doom, but after today I am left with the great expression of John 3:30, "I must decrease so He will increase".
I want people to see and love God. I want people to know that He is inviting them into the most incredible journey and that journey is built on an intimate relationship that He begins. I have been taught today that before I can lead anyone there, I must go there first myself. This is how I am encouraged. I am not struggling for no reason but am struggling with the future of our new church and the other churches that will be planted from it. With a God sized vision comes a struggle with God. It hurts right now, but I know God loves the people that I am going to be shepherding. I also know that God loves me enough to allow me to experience His provision during this time. This journey is truly God sized (at least for me, Michelle and the kids) and it will result in a God sized vision that will bring about God sized results. Pray for the thousands of lives that will turn to Christ through our church plant. Pray for my wife as she is feeling overwhelmed with the house selling. Pray for me to allow God to remove stuff out of me and for me to learn from Him. Pray I get this house painted and repaired and pray that God will connect 1000 people with this church plant.
I love you prayer partners, God is using your words to hold me together.