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Showing posts from May, 2014

There are days when my past still affects my present!

Rejection is not something we handle well. At-least it is something I have not handled well in the past. This week has felt like a week of rejection, in fact I just finished telling my wife how rejected I feel this week. Its funny how much I retreat into myself when I don't get affirmation I think I need or receive silence when I think I need an answer. I don't know about you, but usually when I get silence, it feels like rejection.

If you don't know, rejection has been one of the things I dealt with greatly as a child and youth. My real dad decided he didn't want a kid and left my mom. My adopted father left with my little brother without saying goodbye when I was ten. There were many men in my life that I would attach myself to only to find them no longer being part of my life for various reasons. This has haunted me throughout my whole life. There have been many men I have asked to disciple me as a believer or a pastor only to have them tell me they don't mentor…

Remembering Memorial Day and those it points to!

Being in Hawaii for those 18 months reminded me of the incredible sacrifice our military and their families make to protect our country. If you didn't know, I am an ex-military brat. My dad served in the Navy and my step-father served in the Marines. I remember in High School, when my step-father had to leave us for 3-6 months on deployment. He would come back with what I thought were pretty cool stories, but now that I think through them, he went through some tough stuff. It was hard on my mom not having him around for those months and sometimes harder when he came back, trying to adjust to all the new things and rules that had been established in his absence.

I have seen that last point recently with our friends who lived next door. The Hazelwoods paid a ton for their dad and husband to serve in the Army. There were tough adjustments while He was gone and sometimes tougher adjustments when He came back. My understanding is Captain Hazelwood was gone into combat for over 1 year. …

I hate Christian sayings especially one I say a lot!

One of my irritations is Christian sayings. As my wife and I talked last night about writing a book about our journey (btw, anyone willing to buy one if we write it?), Michelle told me not to put those stupid Christian sayings in our book. I know, I say stupid, but I am just being clear how I feel about them. I have such trouble with them because most of them are a flat lie! Many of them put the work of God on the essence of man or they lie about God. Here are a few that are flat WRONG!

"If God closes a door, He will open a window"

No where in the Bible does it say that God opens windows of opportunities. Jesus uses the word door because they are passageways to something else. Windows are letting the breeze in, helping someone escape or for burglars to break in. The devil steals and is a burglar, so maybe that open window was his doing? The only reason you will find anyone climbing through a window is because they are trying to escape whatever is in the house?

"God will…

I turned 40 today!

Well, it is that time again, to reflect on the past year and share God's triumphs and my failures, which became God's triumphs! This past year has been an amazing journey with God. There are times I have seen Him do the most incredible acts and there are times I have been the incredible act. Let's set the scene from last year at this time.

    Our family was living in Kapolei, Hawaii, attempting to plant a church. We had just begun meeting in a dojo every Sunday and had 21 people weekly. Our summer plans were coming together and we believed we would be within 50-70 people before the end of the summer. I had been spending a bunch of time discipling college students and having Gospel conversations with people at Starbucks. Nothing was getting in our way and I felt we were going to take the world! During the summer we enjoyed guest after guest staying in our home. We found ourselves being used by God to refresh the Ortegas, after their 6 months on the mission field. I ta…

When all hope is lost, remember it really isn't!

I have been in the battle of my life to trust God. There have been so many doubts thrown my way these past months, but especially this past week. Let me just list the thoughts that have plagued my mind:

        "God has forgotten you"          "You must have really messed up for God not to use you in ministry somewhere"         "You are not over depression because you suck"           "You can't be a pastor, you blew it"         "No on wants you around or to lead them"        "You are going to lose everything if you try to wait on God"         "He's done with you!"


That last one has been the ever present knife being twisted in my gut. It brings up so many questions like:

     "What is God waiting for"             "Am I missing something or suppose to do something"      "God why won't you just let me in on what you are doing so I can settle down"        "Are you mad at me…