Week 2 and Satan gets kicked in the face!
As some of you know, we are in the midst of getting our house on the market to sell so we can move to the McMurray, PA area soon. There is so much to do to get the house ready to sell, one of them is painting (oh how I hate painting). I am not a patient person when it comes to painting or remodeling. I tend to bite off more than I have time for and then whine through the process as I go. Usually I end up trying to do the job too quick and do a really poor job of remodeling. I am a slow learner when it comes to remodeling or painting. In the beginning of our painting process, I thought I was tackling a ton of it, only to find I had only hit a small portion of the work needed. This triggered my whining voice saying "I hate moving" and just wanting to give up self! Satan had me right where he wanted me. My sleep schedule was being affected, my work schedule was overwhelming(as I tried to paint), my family time wained and my time with God the Father suffered. He did exactly what I warned our church He would and I fell hard for his trick.
His trick was to get me to focus on the problems before me and the huge amount of work that needed to be done. He got my attention with the fact of owing too much on my house and not being able to afford a house we would want in the McMurray area. He had me and I bit hard. I got up angry that made me depressed. This cycle happened every day. Each day, I thought the anger would go away only to find myself becoming depressed over what I couldn't control (the control freak in me wins again). He taunted me with all that was out of my control with how insufficient I was. He had me pinned me down, gasping for air! Then Thursday morning happened!
I had enough. I couldn't handle the pressure that was piling on and I cried out. I remember just whining to God about my problems. I remember telling Him how much of this is overwhelming and how could He ask me to do this move? Then my Gracious Daddy spoke asking me who's house I was selling! Then He asked who is really in control. At this moment, I was done! I sat and sulked through these questions to find His gracious leading me to go and leave the projects. I made the decision to pay a friend to do the projects needed. Some of the weight came off only to find Satan add more weight with the amount we owe on the house versus the value. Friday morning came and my Daddy reminded me that He is in control and would sell my house for exactly what He wanted to sell my house for. At this point my selfishness spoke to Him about wanting a big house and giving my family a yard to play in. I fell right back into the trap set before me but found God's gracious voice speaking. Friday night came, when I had the privilege to lead people in singing to our great God for a missionary friend's event. While Joe Veal spoke on the mission God had given Him to take part of, my Daddy reminded me that this is not my home. The house doesn't matter, the yard doesn't matter. All of these things, though good, would not fill my heart with joy or give me the security I wanted. Only Christ would satisfy!
On the way home from the event, Michelle leaned over to me and said "don't worry about helping us pack in the morning, go study and come back ready to go to PA". I was going to argue with her but found myself needing that time with God. So Saturday morning, I got up, had breakfast with my kids and went the the local Starbucks, where for an hour and a half, My Daddy poured His life into my life through His scriptures. I thought I was studying for Sunday but found my studying to be for me. Yes, some of those truths came out Sunday, but most of that time was for me! He met me in a Starbucks and put my heart at rest. The drive up was peaceful, our time at the mission house we are staying has been peaceful; even the attack on my sleep Saturday night I dealt with was peaceful as I told My Daddy that He could preach a sermon through me even if I was snoring on stage. I remember going in and out of sleep to find peace every time I woke up. Sunday God preached through me and when done, I was thankful for His incredible grace.
We don't have our house sold yet or have we found the house we will live in, but those things do not matter. Only Christ matters! He has brought us to this time for His name to be glorified! Realizing that, I think God let me kick Satan in the face yesterday and today! God has this and I don't! What a great reminder this control freak needed! Thankful I don't have to figure this thing out!