Knowing how you find the L.A.W.S. will free you from religion!

During my time these last weeks in counseling, I was introduced to a concept that I knew but couldn't describe. It is L.A.W.S. This is what every human being in the world needs. Every one of us are wired to search for this and this is what drives us daily in finding our place in this world. It is Love, Acceptance, Worth and Security. We all long for it and it dictates much of our actions. One of the interested things I learned was that these are to be filled in us as children by our parents. Our parents are the driving force for finding our Love, Acceptance, Worth and Security. Dr. John Piper once preached "Fathers, be God to your kids until they know you are not". For years, I thought it was structure their lives and love them unconditionally until they realize how flawed you are, but I see now these means its my job (and my wife's) to fill my children and help them know how to find these in a healthy way. When parents fail to fill these for a child, the child will grow up looking for these in other people or things. Many of us have struggled in finding acceptance or worth because we had parents that didn't know how to fill our lives with these.

I was a child that lived without a constant filling of Love, Acceptance, Worth and Security. My parents tried, but between my parents fighting, divorce, the abuse that I suffered after that divorce and the molestation I experienced, I can surely say that my view of L.A.W.S. has been incredibly skewed. I now see that much of my sin or probably all of it is a result of me seeking Love, Acceptance, Worth and Security in the wrong places. I am discovering, with the help of my counselor and wife, that I am wounded therefore I look for these things in people or accomplishments. Many times I have walked off the stage after preaching just numb or disappointed because it couldn't fill me. I couldn't find my worth in preaching or I couldn't feel more love through sermonizing. When conflict would come, I would feel abandoned and rejected. This caused me to search for those L.A.W.S. which would end up in sin or depression. It has been my life, constantly finding that people cannot fill what I need. I have lived under a dark cloud most of my life, even when good things happened to and for me. This is what really goes on in side of me.

Imagine if you would a cup. On the outside of this cup were written the words: Love, Acceptance, Worth, Security. In the bottom of this cup is the word Fear. I have carried this cup around most of my life pointing it at people and circumstances hoping that they could fill it. Sometimes, people could put a little in or I would have a win and my cup would have a little more in it. Yes, something was in the cup but what people put in would not last or satisfy. With every conflict I would experience, I would point my cup at people and non-verbally demand that they fill it. If they didn't, I would feel rejection. With every situation that didn't go my way, I would ask people to fill my cup only to find that what they did put in it wasn't enough nor was it what I needed. I had begun not trusting those who loved me and would pull my cup from them. Every time I would look into that cup, all I saw was fear. I feared I wasn't good enough. I feared I was a failure. I feared that no one really wanted me. I haven't felt safe in a long time.

I even found out that because of my history and the abuses I suffered, my cup had holes in it. Even when it did get filled, that filling quickly drained out of it. I would go to conferences and point my cup at Jesus. He would fill it but as quickly as I felt fulfilled, I would feel empty again living in fear. This is my current place in life, a cup with holes that I have pointed too many times at people.

Let me share an incredible verse with you that I have had the hardest time accepting but is becoming more and more clear:

"Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. See to it no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the traditions of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwell in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete ..."
                                                             Colossians 2:6-10a (NASB, my highlights)

I have read this scripture and taught this passage a bunch only to struggle with what it meant for me. I now know what it means for me, God has already made me complete. Every bit of Love I need, is in Him. I am fully accepted by God the Father because I am in Christ and Jesus is fully accepted by God the Father. I have been called worthy no longer having to find my worth with what others say about me because Jesus is fully worthy and is in Him and I in Him. My security is held in His hands and no one can snatch me out of His hands. God will never love me any less than He does right now. I cannot lose His love and God has fully accepted me. God has placed His Son's worth in me making me precious to Him and God has sealed me forever with Him so that I will never lose what He has given.

These truths are transforming my heart and giving me new hope. I see that my struggles come from pointing my cup at people or circumstances, asking these to fill my cup. Also, I see that I need to constantly point my cup to my God and He will fill it. Even cooler is that when He fills it, I cannot see the bottom of that cup. It overflows to everything in my life and around my life, but when others attempt to fill my cup, I see right through their filling and see fear. When God fills my cup, I find more and more of Him. Then I feel acceptance, I feel worth, I feel secure and I know His love more.

I believe many of us struggle with this and don't know that we struggle. We find conflict hard because we are asking people to fill what only God can. Maybe like me, you didn't grow up in a healthy household and your cup has holes in it. Know that God can repair those holes and know that He created you to be the One that fills your cup. Remember, when He created the first man, He called Him Adam. What does this mean to you and I, well Adam means clay pot or container. What is a container's purpose, to be filled and to be poured out over and over again. If you and I will constantly go to God and ask Him to fill our cup and allow Him to pour us out like a drink offering, we will find exactly what we need and our purpose. Knowing how you find the L.A.W.S. will free you from religion and from depression!

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