One calling in one purpose: To be with Jesus!
However, there has been this gnawing feeling that has been growing. I have felt so lost without a job or church staff position. I have spent countless hours begging God to give me answers. In this He keeps reminding me to pursue Him. Then I reason out that I will find answers in Him and begin to pursue the answers through Him. I admit I have been using God for answers and not enjoying just being with Him. I have preached rest to so many these past months and yet have sat restless in my own soul. I have wondered if God was done with me or if I would ever get to lead a church again. It has been a struggle to pursue God when I have so many (seemed to be unanswered) questions. Ever have a quiet time with the Lord and walk away unsatisfied, yep that has been me for weeks.
That changed today as God was so gracious to me. I have been back in the book of Luke during my quiet time. This was the book I preached out of before we resigned from church planting in Hawaii. I loved how much I learn about Jesus through the people Jesus interacted with. Today, I never thought I would get His answer in the end of my reading, although it was not the answer I had been looking for.
"But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her'". Luke 10:40-42
This morning I felt as if the Lord was saying "Shawn, Shawn". I had become so distracted by what I needed to accomplish that I had forgotten the very purpose for my life: to be with Jesus. The very thing Mary was doing and what was not going to be taken from her: to be with Jesus. I could hear my Lord say to me this morning:
"you cannot produce a job or satisfaction within that job, you can only be with me while I provide what you need, and when I am ready to place you in My service, I will".
It is God who provides and I keep forgetting that. I have been so busy trying to provide for my family and trying to find a church that needs a pastor that I forget to be with Jesus. God continues to miraculously answer through provision. Our bills are being paid, I am getting a ton of time with my family and I am getting to study like never before. God has given me what I need most these past months: Himself. My prayers closed with the Lord telling me:
"All you need is Me to find satisfaction, do not believe the lie that I am done with you because I have not given you another assignment. You are not significant because you have an assignment, you are significant because I made you significant".
Mary lived this and Shawn, I mean Martha had forgotten this. Today is a day of rest given to me by Christ Jesus. It is not laziness nor apathy to trust God to do what I cannot. It is rest to allow God to do what He can through my life. Being busy is not what God has called us to be. You and I have one calling in God's one creative purpose for us: to be with Jesus!